Priorities

 

Dear Dad,

How are you? I phoned you several times and left messages on your answering machine. I texted you and you did not respond. Now I am writing an old fashioned letter.

I'm getting married in the New Year and would like you to be there. Mom will be there too. I know the two of you have not spoken since the divorce, but it would be nice to have you there as a family on our day.

Your son.

Dear Son,

Thank you. I shall not attend. Nothing to do with your mother.

Dad.

Dear Dad,

Why then? Why will you not attend Dad?

Your son.

Son,

Simply because you did not attend my wedding!

Dad.

Dear Dad,

But ... but ... I wasn't even born at your wedding with Mom. That's why I did not attend.

Your loving son.

Son,

That's a feeble excuse. I still would have liked you to have been there, carrying the ring perhaps ... but your mother insisted we got married before you were born. So if you're looking for a scapegoat then look at her ... not me. I was happy to wait until you were born and able to walk with the ring in church before we got married. She was so unreasonable from the start. Getting married quickly before anyone noticed!

Dad

My Dear Dad,

This is all news to me. You mean to say Mom was pregnant when you got married? Was I a wanted baby? Am I the reason you two got married?

I spoke to Mom and she said I was a loved baby well before I was born. And that you two loved each other so much. But you wanted to wait for 18 months before you got married. Why did you want to wait for so long, by which time I would have been a toddler?

Your loving son.

Well son,

If you really want to know; I was selected for the world series golf tournament which, including the preliminaries, would have taken that long until we reached the finals. I had a good chance of being a finalist and really had no time to waste getting married and raising a child whilst practising my game daily and playing various elimination rounds up and down the country.

Did your mother understand? NOOOOOO ... She was too unreasonable and wanted to get married as soon as she got pregnant. So this is what we did, and you missed my wedding, and now I am missing yours.

By the way, I wonder if you've invited this year's golf champion? Just asking.

Dad.

Yes Dad ... he'll be there.

My dearest wonderful son,

I'll be there. I am so happy for you.

Your loving Dad.

Palm trees everywhere

 

Very strange thing happened round our neighbourhood the other day. I was in the kitchen enjoying my breakfast of toast and ginger marmalade when there was a loud grinding type noise outside in the street. It sounded like heavy machinery. The sort of noise you hear big engines make.

I rushed to the front door and there outside our house was this huge truck, with an even more huge crane on the back, un-loading a truck full of fully grown palm trees ready planted in big concrete containers. I quickly asked my wife if she had ordered palm trees from the Internet and she denied it. I always start on neutral ground by blaming someone else first.

This truck was full of palm trees; about twenty at least, all swaying to and fro in the light breeze which was soon to rise to a full storm as my blood pressure increased. The driver was standing in the street and operating the crane which picked each tree by the base concrete container, lifted it off the truck, and gently lowered it onto the sidewalk. He carefully placed each tree side-by-side on the sidewalk regardless as to whether they blocked peoples' driveways entrance or not. He had already un-loaded four trees and blocked my driveway with my car trapped on my property.

I went to the driver in my pyjamas ... I'd better rephrase this ... the driver was not in my pyjamas. He was by the truck. I was in my pyjamas, and I was the only one in them to be precise.

As I was saying, before your thoughts interrupted me ... I went to the driver and shouted over the noise of the crane machinery to ask him what he was doing delivering all these trees and blocking peoples' driveways. By this time, I hasten to explain, he had un-loaded about seven trees and had blocked my neighbour's driveway too.

He switched off the crane and explained that he knew nothing about it. He was only the delivery man and had been told to un-load the trees side-by-side, as close to each other as possible, on both side walks on both sides of the road. He explained that there were another six or so other trucks on their way to unload their trees in our street.

The trees were heavy and in their concrete base it was impossible to move them once they were parked on the side walk.

I decided to go in and phone someone in authority, whilst a few other neighbours came out to complain and another two trucks arrived with their loads.

Who do I phone in such circumstances? I can hardly phone the police and say there are some palm trees causing a disturbance outside!

I decided to phone the mayor's office and, to cut a long story short, I was transferred from one department to another, each disclaiming responsibility for trees, road maintenance, potholes, noise disturbance, and everything else to do with everything else in this universe. Why do they employ so many people in so many departments if none of them deals with palm tree deliveries?

Eventually I was transferred to a surly sounding man appropriately named Mr Gardner, would you believe.

He asked abruptly, "Name?" I gave him my name.

"Not your name," he said, "what's the address?"

"It's a garment worn by women," I replied, "what's that got to do with the palm trees situation?"

After a few seconds' silence whilst he digested the information he asked again, "Where do you live?"

"In a detached house North of town not far from the park and golf club ..." I explained when he interrupted me.

"Look madam ..." he said, "I haven't got all day to deal with this. I also have fifty flamingos to despatcth today ..."

"How dare you call me madam" I exclaimed in as manly a voice as I could muster, "I am a HE!"

"A he what?" he asked.

"A he man," I said, "how dare you insinuate I am a woman just because I am wearing pink pyjamas!"

"I am sorry ... I have a cold ..." he apologised.

I felt sorry for him and tried to suggest a remedy. "What are the symptoms?" I asked.

"They are yellow cartoon characters on TV," he replied, "what has that to do with my cold and your palm trees?"

Anyway ... years later ... after a phone conversation which lasted a lifetime, it transpired that the trees were destined for the Avenue Park in the South of town and not Park Avenue where we happen to live.

He promised to have them re-directed, but in the meantime we had six trucks delivering about one hundred trees blocking all the driveways on both side walks all along our street for at least three days, before another load of trucks came to take them away. 

The Times they are a-changin

 

Yes indeed, The Times they are a-changin. Nothing is the same again. Every day, every time you hear the news you hear of something that's never happened before. It's always something new that the world has never experienced and you wonder ... what is happening to the world? Whatever next? 

Sometimes it is little changes with potentially greater effects or repercussions, sometimes it is big changes with immediate big repercussions. 

Have you noticed for instance something called shrink-flation? We have it over here. It's the same packaging on food, or other products, but what's inside is less. Instead of 500 grams which is what you used to buy it is now 450 grams and the price has gone up by a few pence. Same with liquids, instead of 1 litre it is now 900 ml, (most people don't know what ml is anyway and they think they are buying 900 miles of drink).

The customer does not realise that the price he is paying has increased twice - first a few pence more in the price of the goods, and then he gets a little less in the content of the packaging.

Another change I noticed is in attitudes. People seem to be angry all the time. No more politeness and courtesy. Drivers get quickly irritated with each other. When I'm driving and I stop at a crossing to let pedestrians get to the other side, the pedestrians just walk past without a thank you or a wave. I know that as a driver I should stop; but a wave or a smile from pedestrians costs nothing. It's the same when I hold a door open for someone. At the supermarket recently I held the door open for six people who filed through like cattle totally ignoring me.

And another thing, I was at a church wedding the other day. Whilst waiting for the service to start I noticed at least three people looking at their cell-phones. What is it with people always wanting to check the cell-phones? Even in church? The WiFi reception was no good anyway because I could not get the football scores. The groom had asked me to let him know how his team did in the League Finals. 

I also noticed that when they said their vows the bride did not use the word "obey" any more. It's a pity. Because it used to lend a bit of humour to the occasion.

Which reminds me, I wonder if any policeman has ever managed to keep a straight face while telling a woman she has the right to remain silent. But that's another story.  

Anyway, at this wedding the priest went on about marriage being for ever and ever and he made it sound like a life sentence. Also, en-passant he mentioned that we are dust and from dust we will return to dust. I don't know how relevant that is to a wedding ceremony. Anyway, just to make sure I now don't dust any more. It could be someone I know in the vacuum cleaner.

I also met my cousin Bernie at the wedding. His wife has just had twin girls. They called one Kate and the other Duplikate.

Bernie always pretends he knows more than he really does. He always acts all intellectual and talks about Mozart when I know for sure he has never seen any of his paintings.

Anyway, I was saying that times are really changing. And they are. When we got back from the wedding we saw a beggar just by our door asking for money. We've never had beggars in our neighbourhood before. My wife gave him some of her cakes and cookies which she had prepared earlier. A few days later he called back and gave her a book on how to cook.

Thinking aloud

 

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

As one door closes another opens outwards and hits you in the face.

If Supermarkets are lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours ... but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day, and know that someone who thinks you're great has thought about you today!

And that person was me. 

Working for God on earth does not pay much, but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

What would you do for Christ?

 

CONCENTRATE ON THE LYRICS PLEASE

When love grows cold

 

When love grows cold stop sleeping in the fridge.

You know how it's like. It happens to many couples. Over the years people drift apart and what at one time was true love and affection becomes just a relationship between two people who just know each other.

Contrary to popular belief, love is not a feeling. It is an action, a decision. True, at first we are attracted to another person. We like that person. We enjoy being with them. We grow closer and we love them in the sense that we care about them. We care about their well-being, their hopes, fears, aspirations and their very existence.

In time, sometimes the caring diminishes. It shouldn't, but often it does. And that's where the decision, the action, to care and to love once again comes in. We make the decision that we will continue caring despite all odds. We will be true to our promise made to each other.

But what about our relationship with God? Does it too grow cold with time? Do we subconsciously distance ourselves from Him? Does He become just a genie we have in a lamp, or in a cupboard, that we run to when we're in trouble and need His help?

How do you think He feels about that?

Let us think about it for a while and make our decision ... once again.

Gone with the wind

 

It was a lovely summer’s afternoon that Sunday when we sat as a family and enjoyed a sumptuous Sunday lunch. We had roast beef as well as fried chicken which had been marinated in all sorts of flavoursome spices and herbs; accompanied by an assortment of vegetables including of course the dreaded Brussels sprouts.

I have never understood why God created this particular vegetable; but create it He did. No doubts He has His reasons and one day we’ll discover how beneficial it is for us and how silly and uneducated we have been to dislike it so. However, for now at least, most people I know don’t seem to like it.

I don’t count myself amongst them, of course. I’m neutral in this respect. I would eat Brussels sprouts if offered to me but I would not go out of my way to ask for them in a gourmet restaurant.

But that Sunday, Brussels sprouts were on the menu. I believe they were mixed with walnut pieces and fried onions, if memory serves me right.

We have had Auntie Gertrude from Australia staying with us for a few days so we also invited Father Frederic to Sunday lunch. The two had never met each other so we sat them next to each other around the large dinner table.

It was a lovely meal with pleasant conversation on no particular subject and all subjects that came to mind.

After lunch, we all moved to the living room to enjoy a nice cup of coffee and continue our discussion.

Father Frederic sat on the sofa leaving a little room for someone else to sit beside him and a few minutes later, as we all made ourselves comfortable, Auntie Gertrude came in and sat beside the priest.

Sadly, and embarrassingly for her, as she lowered herself in the well upholstered settee she accidentally broke wind with a thunderous loud noise.

I should mention at this stage that Father Frederic is somewhat hard of hearing; and he therefore did not notice nor pay attention to what had just happened.

I immediately tried to cover Auntie’s embarrassment by asking him loudly some Ecumenical question that came to mind.

As I leaned towards him speaking a little louder than usual I noticed his face going a little pale as the tell-tale strong smell reached my olfactory senses.

He looked at me accusingly as Auntie got out of the room saying “By dingo cobber! I forgot the biscuits in the kitchen … they're special I brought from Adelaide ... I’ll go and get them!”

As she got out of the room, followed by the rest of the family, she added somewhat undiplomatically "they are not as bland as those English biscuits!"

I was left alone with the kind old heavenly priest and the smell from hell.

Suddenly, the Ecumenical question became totally irrelevant as my mind went blank and my hurt pride and wounded honour urged me to shout at the top of my voice “It was not me!!! It was her!!! She did it and went out leaving me sharing her stench.”

But being the stupid gentleman who I am, I said nothing. I kept quiet and protected a lady’s pride and honour by my silence.

“Would you like a biscuit?” I asked Father picking up the large serving dish which was there all the time.

“That’s a lovely piano …” replied Father Frederic getting up from his seat and moving towards the open window. “Our church organ needs mending … it doesn’t pump so much wind in the pipes as it used to.”

Somehow, the uneasy conversation which followed and the fresh air from the open window, diluted the heavy atmosphere in the room as eventually the rest of the family re-joined us accompanied by an innocent looking Auntie Gertrude.

Since that day, Father Frederic keeps his distance from me whenever we meet.

Excerpt from the book

NO WORRIES MATE

Paperback & KINDLE

HERE

Pretentious Cooking

 

It's amazing how pretentious those TV cooks or chefs can be. The other day there was one making mashed potatoes. You know the kind; boiled potatoes mashed into a smooth paste with cream or milk and various herbs or what have you. The main idea is on smoothness, and soft and velvety and melt-in-the-mouth creamy delight. But his potatoes had big lumps on the plate. So he called it crushed potatoes. Just a change of name and the lazy blighter got away with a mediocre dish anyone would have made at home.

On another program someone was talking about wine. He said you can taste the acidity of the limestone where the grapes were grown. Sorry ... no ... you are drinking vinegar and passing it off as a fine wine costing $1.99 a gallon. Stop fooling your audience and benefiting by promoting gnats' piss. 

And the pretence goes on. If your meat is overcooked and falling to pieces you call it pulled pork or pulled beef; if it is totally raw and bleeding you call it rare. There was a cook with an open packet of pasta which he served straight onto the plate and called it al dente to the delight and applause of his admiring stooges.

There's also this trend on TV of chefs preparing their meals al fresco ... or outdoors as you and I would say. They have a gas powered fire on a table on the beach, or the countryside or a farm and they prepare all kinds of delights whilst behind them an asteroid has hit the earth and they are totally unaware of the dust and debris polluting their lobster thermidor. 

If I were to go out in the garden and pick up a snail and eat it, you'd think I've gone mad. But add a bit of garlic butter to it, call it escargot, and you're suddenly a gourmet.

As for grabbing a frog and biting off its legs ... I don't suppose this is something some of you would do; is it?

As long as you use the right words like haute cuisine or nouvelle cuisine then it's OK to come on TV and offer all sorts of things for your audience to marvel at and eat. 

I'm sure you have come across other examples of pretentious language used in the food industry, (or elsewhere). Please share them with us here.

I think I'll stick to burgers and fries from my fast food outlet ... oh, with a tossed salad on the side please.

How it happened

 

Many years ago, before milkshakes and burgers were invented, a huge asteroid hit the earth and killed all the dinosaurs. Why were they all standing in the same place? I ask. Was it a convention of some sort?

Anyway, the asteroid caused total devastation. There were fires and earthquakes all over the world. All vegetation was destroyed. Even those dinosaurs which did not attend the convention died of starvation because there was no food in the world. Even in the sea. All plankton was destroyed and all fishes died too.

For ten years there was a large cloud of sulphur which covered the earth and darkened the sun. It was permanently night-time. 

Eventually, the sulphur cloud turned to dust and ashes and settled on the earth. Slowly, the sun began to shine again and slower still a few shoots of vegetation began to appear here and there. And in time small animals like ferrets and reptiles began to appear.

WAIT A MINUTE !!! The problem with TV is that you cannot stop it and ask questions.

Where were those ferrets and reptiles for all these years? In well built fall-out shelters feasting on milkshakes and burgers? And where did zebras, and dogs and cauliflowers eventually come from? Were they in bunkers too? How about humans? If all the cavemen and women perished when the asteroid hit, and all that remained was their paintings on cave walls, how did they re-emerge again?

I think those people who make TV programs should consider the questions the viewers might have in mind.

Can we possibly love like that?

 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

I guess the question to ask here is: Can we really love one another as Jesus has loved us? He was/is God, we are not. So how can we love like Him? As much as Him? After all, He gave His life for us. Are we prepared to do the same?

Let us consider what is love. In Greek, one of the languages the Bible was written in, there are different words for love:

Philia (φιλία):

This word translates to "friendship" or "brotherly love". It's a dispassionate, virtuous love between equals. This is where we get the word bibliophile meaning lover of books, or Anglophile, lover of the English.

 

Eros (ἔρως):

This type of love is characterized by passion, desire, and often sexual attraction. It's the kind of love that might be felt between romantic partners. That's where we get the words erotic and erotica.

 

Storge (στοργή):

This refers to the love and affection between parents and children, a natural, instinctive bond. It's often described as a feeling of tenderness and warmth. 

 

Agape (ἀγάπη):

This is the highest form of love, often seen in a religious context, especially in Christianity. It's a selfless, unconditional love, the kind that God is believed to possess for humans. 

 

This is what Jesus is talking about here. Are we prepared to love one another, to care for one another, unconditionally, no matter what, to the point of giving our everything for someone else? A stranger? An enemy even. Remember, He said love your enemies as well as your neighbour. Are we prepared to go to that length?

 

Or is it perhaps that we are incapable of such love because we are not Divine as Christ was/is Divine?  

After His Resurrection, Jesus appeared to the disciples at Lake Tiberias. As they sat on the shore eating together, Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these others do?”

“Yes, Lord,” he answered, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said to him, “Take care of my lambs.”

Three times Jesus asked if He was loved by Peter, and each time He said, “Take care of my sheep.” (John Chapter 21).

This is the kind of Agape love Jesus was speaking of. "Do you care for Me, (and my sheep/followers), so much that you'd be prepared to give up your life for Me and for them?"

Of course, Peter proved that he was prepared to go all the way to being crucified upside down for Christ.

We may not be asked to go to such extremes. But it should not stop us from trying to love one another as Jesus loved us.

Are you leaving Christianity too?

 

 

There is a trend in the world with more and more people who were at one time Christians turning their backs on their faith and walking away.

 

Are you one of them?

 

Secularism is on the rise. That much we know. But added to it, many once Christians are now also walking away. 

 

I cannot speak for where you live, but here in the UK, regular church attendance, that is once a week, all denominations combined, is about 5% of the population. You can hardly call us a Christian nation, although many would identify themselves as such when asked in the street. Often church attendance is limited to baptisms, weddings and funerals; and these are considered as social occasions and not religious in any context.

 

Many are Christians just because their parents were Christians, or because they were brought up this way, or because it is a badge they wear when asked what they are. Christians in name only but not in fact. Even if they do attend church.

 

Some, especially the young, identify themselves as not believing in anything. They may call themselves atheists, agnostics, non-believers or whatever; but what is significant is that they wear their particular badge with pride. It's as if to believe in a living God is an antiquated notion that is long past its day. 

Christians are leaving the faith for many reasons. Some because they have had an argument with their priest or vicar and have left the church not to return again.

 

Others because they have suffered a tragedy, illness or death in their lives and blame it all on God for not looking after them. (If my protector does not care about me why should I care about Him?)

 

Whilst others have had a dispute with family or loved ones and do not accept their relatives' faith and have as a result distanced themselves from them.

 

And others have become too busy with the pressures of life, or by the alluring pleasures it offers, that they have just neglected their faith never to return again.

 

Whatever their reasons, many Christians are leaving the faith yet believing, in all consciousness, that they are good people really, and destined to Heaven ... eventually ... for eternity.

 

But there's more ... 

 

Aside from Christians leaving Christianity; there's another growing trend in the world of not wanting to know about God or to learn about Him and follow Him. It's as if the whole world has put their hands on their ears and are shouting " La ... La ... La ... I don't want to know!"

 

Christianity is mocked, derided and banned in many lands and new generations are encouraged to distance themselves from it. Time was when you would find a Bible in every hotel room. Now many such establishments have removed the Bibles so as not to offend their clients. Churches and preachers are teaching a new watered-down type of Christianity where anything goes as long as you are happy, comfortable and not offending anyone.

 

"Not everyone who calls me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only those who do what my Father in Heaven wants them to do." Matthew 7:21.

Meet my ...

 

Meet my cat Rover. He's good at gambling.

 

Meet also Fifi my little puppy. I thought it was lost.

 

 

And meet my dog Tiger praying about the cost of living and so many pets to feed.